I’m an awkward, anxiety filled teenager from Canada, who has absolutely nothing better to do but blog about it. I’m a major fuck-up, more than most teens. It’s my first year in high-school and I hate it so much. I hate everyone and everything there. I bottle up all my feelings, I hate talking to people about they way I feel, I hate it so much, I think that they’ll peg me as an attention seeking fuck. I guess you could say I come from a “broken” home. I put others happiness before my own, I try to be a be a nice person. I the most insecure piece of shit out there, I’m soso self-cautiuos on the way I look, I hate my body, I hate my face, I hate everything about myself. I find everyone’s feelings so much more important than mine, I never take into account what I want. Music is my everything, without out it, I’d be dead or at least close to it. I’m a really angry person, I don’t show it at all, but when I come home from school and sit in my dark room alone, it all comes out, all the anger, all the hatred, it comes out. I usually take my anger and emotions out on myself, mentally. I hate getting compliments, it makes me feel like their making fun of me secretly because I know I’m not pretty/cute ect. Sometimes I just need out, I need a break, a vacation, something to get these feelings and thoughts out of me, long enough for me to feel happy. Being truly and completely honest, I can’t tell you what ‘happy’ feels like anymore. I can’t remember the last time felt ‘happy’. I like making people feel better about themselves and helping them, or giving them advice. In complete honesty i hate living, it’s boring I hate emotions, they’re the most confusing thing in the world and I’d take them away if I could. I’m a depressed, obsessive, shy, awkward, anxiety filled teenage girl, I’m a failure and a disappointment to all. The one and only thing I want in life, is to feel needed, to feel loved, to feel cared for, to feel like someone gives a shit, even if I only feel it for a split second, I’d cherish it. I hate my life, I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live. I fantasize about not existing, just peacefully being nothing, feeling nothing, it’d be nice. I only have one friend I can truly trust with anything, I know she’d never judge me (at least not out loud lol), she’s always there to listen, she’s my best friend and I have no idea what would happen if I had never met her. She’s helped me through a lot, and I know I don’t deserve a friend like her. Rebecca